“You do too much”
“Learn to say no”
“You have to take care of you”
“If you would just …..
- Go to that seminar
- Come to this gathering
- Go on vacation
- Take time for yourself
- Be a little selfish
“Listen to me”
Same instructions for living I would pass on to you.
There’s no complaint department for those who are asked to give and care for others. It’s exhausting. The human form can’t keep up a breakneck pace for too long. Rest is required. The mental condition requires dusting. Those who unwittingly step in the way (think medical receptionists, security workers, bus drivers) become the target of frustration that has maybe no sense of direction….it just bubbles up and winds up …..out.
The end of any day leaves lists of things undone. I used to make lists and used calendars with big open squares for jockeying days that things will get done. All I did was rearrange those squares day after day. Months would roll by before I made a copy of that key, signed up for that class, called the dentist, made an appointment for labs, checked on the state of special services, arranged respite, returned borrowed things, did some yoga, made sure I was eating well, returned a friend’s phone call, get a pedicure or a haircut, replace aging clothes. . Take one look at me and see what you see. It may or may not be what I see. It may or may not be what I would like you to see. The truth is, I don’t really have time to think about what that would be.
Am I healthy? Well, I do the things I need to do. I get around alright, though my body reminds me when I hit the ground that I’m not in my 40s anymore. I don’t think about my aging dependent child. In fact, I don’t even KNOW what she weighs. It doesn’t matter, I do it anyway. It’s like the price of gas. It doesn’t matter, you have to buy it anyway.
I have learned to stop many times in a day. It only takes a minute to run an errand that has been on the list for months or return a promised phone call. There comes a price for those kinds of accomplishments……the largest is the guilt. And then comes the promise to walk more, make lunches with friends, get to temple for services, register for classes.
It’s true what they say, there aren’t enough hours in a day. Rest requires some time. Respite requires some arrangement.
Take care of me. That means no self blame for getting every possible thing done. I work with what I have, little as it is. I know love when I see it and the best thing is that I can conjure love in the blink of an eye…..a life saving move.